Just Hold Me
by Nev827
Summary: Castle returns home after being cleared of murder charges and comes to a new appreciation of his freedom, his family, and Detective Beckett. Post-Probable Cause one-shot. Rated T for some fluff.


Two hours later, Esposito and Ryan gave the exhausted Castle and Beckett rides to their respective homes in their squad car. Once clear of the scene and of the prying eyes of their colleagues, Castle let his head drop backwards onto the rear dashboard and Beckett's, despite her attempts at fighting off fatigue, fell onto Castle's shoulder. The two men couldn't help but smile when they also noticed their interlocked fingers.

Castle entered his loft and exhaled heavily. Even though it was empty, he smiled, appreciating his ability to come and go from it as a free man. As he walked past the kitchen, he fought back the sharp, cold memory of Esposito's handcuffs on his wrists, of his heart sinking into his feet as he was Mirandized, and of the heartbroken expression on Beckett's face. In his bedroom, he changed into sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt, and noticed how everything in the loft seemed newer, brighter, sharper, and yet also comfortable and familiar. Each knick-knack made him smile as he remembered the story behind its acquisition. Each photograph made his eyes tear up as he recalled the moment the snapshot was taken.

He was free. And alive.

His cell phone buzzed to indicate an incoming text message.

_"Made it home ok. Planning on taking it easy the rest of today. Talk later?"_

He automatically began to type a response then paused. She had believed him, stuck by him, and even helped him evade capture from so many of the colleagues for which she held tremendous respect. His mind flitted back to a moment years earlier in the precinct when he and Esposito had been speculating about how they'd break out of jail if ever unjustly incarcerated. Upon overhearing that Esposito would ditch Castle to save himself, Beckett had breezed past both of them and promised to come to his aid.

His heart swelled as he realized she'd kept her promise.

He also remembered his mother's words the night before: "Would you be willing to break her out of prison? Because _that_, my boy, is true love."

A warm feeling washed over him, the same feeling that had coursed through him when her brilliant smile had illuminated the library and she'd rushed to wrap him in her arms. She hadn't yet told him she loved him, although he knew she did, but her risking the destruction of the career that was so much a part of who she was, more than made up for her lack of words.

He grinned widely and typed a response.

_"Always."_

He pocketed his phone and began preparing coffee and waffles for his breakfast.

* * *

That evening, he stood in front of a formally dressed Martha and Alexis and for the last time begged off their plans for the night.

"Dad, you're sure you'll be ok here all by yourself?" Alexis asked.

"It is "Wicked", darling One of your favorite shows." Martha insisted.

"For the last time, I think it's best if I keep a low profile, at least for a little while. Now both of you, go. Have a good time."

"You know you can't evade the paparazzi forever, dear. Believe me. I've tried."

"And failed spectacularly. The next time you try dressing up as a man in public, you might want to be sure you're not starring in "Victor/Victoria" at the same time, thereby making yourself instantly recognizable as both a man and a woman."

"Pssh! Don't I at least get an A for effort?" She begged.

"Your makeup artist does." He shot back.

"As much as I'm enjoying this ultra-special family time, opening curtain is in thirty minutes," Alexis interrupted, gesturing to her watch.

Castle kissed both of them and bade them goodnight. He watched as they floated down the hall and until the elevator doors closed around them. They drove him to drink sometimes and puzzled him more than the world's most difficult crossword puzzle, but they were his family and a brought his life an ever-flowing stream of joy.

He re-entered the loft, securing the deadbolt on his front door and arming the security system. He slipped a can of mace, disguised as a liquor flask, into one of the back pockets of his jeans and headed for his office.

Even though Beckett had assured him that tech had swept his loft thoroughly for any more of 3XK's listening devices or pinhole-sized security cameras, he still shut the door and closed the curtains. He powered up the flat screen monitor that served as his electronic murder board and tapped open his newest file. As the face of the man known as Jerry Tyson appeared before him, along with the faces of his victims, and details of Castle's two encounters with him, Castle felt his blood begin to stir. His hands clenched into fists.

"You think this is over," he addressed his nemesis's mug shot. "But you're wrong. Although, you were right about one thing: this is personal now, for both of us. And this will not be over until I look you in the eye and put a bullet in your head."

* * *

Hours later, a buzzing from his front door awoke him. He had fallen asleep in his desk chair, the remote control for the touch screen television in one hand and a pen, poised over pad of notes, in the other. He slipped the pad into a desk drawer, darkened the television and shuffled over to the front door. His hand grasped the handle and as he made to open it, his spine tingled as The Triple Killer's voice rang in his head. He slipped the mace can out of his back pocket and kept it in the palm of his hand, low and behind his hip. He checked the peep hole and his shoulders slumped in relief.

"Hey you," he greeted Beckett. She kissed him on the cheek as she crossed his threshold then saw the flask in his hand and became instantly concerned. It obviously brought back memories of too many memories of endless alcohol-soaked nights with her grieving father.

"It's mace. Just something I've always had in case a crazed fan gets into the building. And in light of recent events-"

"Castle, we talked about this. Tyson is dead, ok? He can't hurt us or anyone else anymore."

"I know, I know, but…" He exhaled heavily and searched for more words. Once again, the lost little boy melted Beckett's resolve. And her heart.

"Alright. But, I think you can put that away now. I am carrying, after all."

"Of course," Castle rushed to the kitchen to discard the flask as Beckett slipped out of her coat. In a flash, he was behind her, gallantly taking it from her to hang it in his closet.

"Where are Martha and Alexis?" She asked.

"Mother had bought us Broadway tickets, but I didn't feel much like going out tonight, so Alexis took my place."

Beckett seemed uneasy, despite her confidence about 3XK's being deceased. Castle expected her to slink seductively over to him since they were alone, but she merely twiddled her fingers and bit the inside of her cheek.

"So not that you need a reason to come over, but what's up?" He asked with a tinge of worry.

She began to pace, just like she did when an investigation hit nothing but dead ends. "I've been trying to sleep all day and I can't. I just keep seeing you in that cell and remembering the feeling of helplessness as you boarded the elevator with those guys. And then when the two real cops came by to transport you?" She cleared her throat to keep from choking on the words then went to him. "Castle, I've never been so scared in my life. Not even when my Dad went on a three day-long bender and half the department couldn't find him." Her face softened as she spoke and her eyes swam with tears. To steady herself, she ran her hands over his chest.

"I know, Kate. Believe me, I know about the fear." He wrapped his arms around her, sheltering her from all the foulness and darkness of life.

Finally she let go of the breath she'd been holding. "Oh, this is all I wanted," she murmured as she clung to him, breathed him in. He felt the tension in her drop away. "For you to hold me. To feel you with me so I knew you were ok."

His arms tightened around her and he kissed her temple and ran his stubby fingers through her long hair. He rarely saw her so vulnerable that it shook him when she revealed this side of herself. So they held each other, for minutes or hours or days. Neither cared which it was.

He pulled back slightly and took her face in his hands. "I'm not going anywhere, Kate. And I'll always be there for you, just like you were there for me."

Her face lit up. "Always," she repeated and curled her arms around his neck to kiss him.

Their mouths moved slowly and deeply to appreciate the sweetness of the moment. To both of them, their touches and kisses were more real than ever. Despite how fortunate they felt to have this moment and more in the future, despite the overwhelming need to be close to each other and to let the feel of each other reaffirm the mere fact that they were both alive, they kept their movements slow, allowing the heat to smolder until it guided them into Castle's bedroom. He pushed the door shut in case his mother and Alexis came home early then stood in front of Beckett. He took her hands in his and kissed each one at a time, ignoring the desire that welled up to fill the room.

"Forgive me for asking an inopportune question, and it's not that I don't want to – far from it, in fact – but are you sure you're up for this? I mean, it's been an exhausting couple days and you did say you wanted to take it easy."

She stepped closer to him, taking his face in her hands.

"Don't think about the last couple days, Castle. Just hold me. Be with me."

They undressed each other slowly and tenderly. He laid her down on his bed as if she was a piece of rare china that could break at the slightest jostling. It wasn't that he thought her fragile, but tonight he wanted to worship her. He climbed on top of her and gently stroked her cheek. Twenty-four hours ago, he had faced the likely possibility that he would never again get to marvel at the remarkable, strong woman who now lay beneath him. So he let his eyes roam all over her face, let his hands caress her body, and let the love slowly swamp him. She didn't rush him, since she'd felt the same fear and emptiness at the prospect that she'd never hear his laughter, or feel his strong but gentle arms around her. When he was done his exploration, their eyes locked and a tear fell from his face onto hers. Reverentially, he kissed it away then tilted his head to press his lips to hers.

It was like their first time together, where each sensation, sound, and curve of skin and muscle was wonderfully new. As lips tasted and hands reached, they got lost in each other, then in the gentle currents that swept their fears away and left nothing but love behind. He slipped into her perfectly and she moaned, arching upward to meet him. He burrowed his mouth into the strong flesh between her shoulder and neck as her legs slipped silkily around his waist and her arms bound his broad chest against her breasts.

As they brought each other to the edge of ecstasy, a siren wailed outside indicating that someone's life had been touched by the darkness. But tonight in Castle's bed, despite all the evil they would both surely encounter, they knew they would always be safe. Because they would always have each other.


End file.
